Monscooch

The Irish Daily Star gossip columnists Kathryn Rogers and Heidee Martin have a strange sense of humour/ active imagination. The following picture of Elisha Cuthbert had one weird-ass caption:

OH OUR collective gosh, 24 beauty Elisha Cuthbert seems to have discovered a problem with her bikini top as she splashes on a Hawaiian beach.

Could it be that her Victoria’s Secret set has been wired with a pair of explosives set to go off in 23 hours 55 seconds?

And only Jack Bauer can take out her devil’s dumplings – before they take down the government.

Can somebody explain that to me? Devil’s dumplings taking down the government? Anyways, Jack is a very busy man. I’m sure he’s got his hands full with more important butter bags, blouse bunnies, gazoombas and other such silly names for boobs.